There's a Problem (this doesn't make any sense)

When you're not good at verbalizing your feelings but you want to start a blog. I need to record all of this though because when I'm not under any influences or when I'm fine I can't completely explain anything...and I need to see a professional so essentially this is for someone to have footprints. I have reservations though because the only time I think clearly about this is laying down in my room in darkness and having the computer on has already throwing it off. I sound crazy. I feel crazy.

I don't have a thick skin at all. I don't deal with anything on the surface that no one else has ever had to overcome but everything affects me to the furthest extent. I just had a phone call with my mom and I explained to her that I don't want to do something (that was suggested for me to do) and she basically said that I don't have a choice because of my situation (academic portfolio) and she doesn't understand where I went wrong (with school) and proceeded to tell me that I go out too much and I'm too concerned with having friends. I have like 5 real friends? I spend most of my time in my bed looking at the ceiling or sleeping? She's missing the point?

I feel like at this point I should have a clear picture of what my future is going to look like but I have essentially nothing because I've basically been floating for 3 years. I didn't just get crazy at all but it's also not getting better at all which is why I'm thinking I should go see a professional because this is not a way to live. In my floating I've basically wasted the years of my life that were supposed to be used to put me in a position to change my life for the better. Despite all of this I don't like when people talk to me like my life is over from this point because I don't have a thick skin and thinking that way isn't healthy for me.

People don't understand things that aren't in plain sight and I completely understand that but this is very dangerous for me in the position that I'm in. I don't look depressed....people assume that I'm just easygoing and lazy which I am to some extent but the extent isn't this far. I gave up a long time ago and I honestly cannot see myself ever returning to my former glory and that is a very disturbing thought because I don't know how a person can deteoriate this far when nothing traumatic has happened to them.